I haven’t written on Medium in a few months and for good reason.
a bitch has been at it.
Things have been picking up for my freelance work as a UX, copy, and content writer. I'm particularly thrilled about this as my previous post was one of ranting from my then despondent sentiment towards LinkedIn.
I’m no longer jaded and well, that’s something. :)
I still fucking hate LinkedIn, for sure.
LinkedIn is trash (and so is a lot of social media), and so you just have to give it the finger and find your footing elsewhere.
as I did.
*claps*
I have no clue how people did like careers prior to the age of the internet.
But that's neither here nor there. I just thought it’d be fitting to address the nonexistent elephant (for me at least)— I've found my footing as an official freelance digital nomad and it's a good feeling, like an absolutely amazing feeling (&& if you’re having trouble, I’ll hold it down and let you in on what I’ve been doing and give you tidbits so lmk ❤).
I’m so stoked to be finally generating a legitimate income and one that is solely due to my studies at uni so that wasn't a waste, and like I can finally finance my lifestyle and it’s entirely my desired career and its freaking fulfilling knowing that I'm like headed in the direction of that goddess-like-vagabond woman I wanna be by the time I'm in my 30s and it’s such a holy shit mE?! sensation and it's so rewarding,
but there’s still something.
…there's always something….
Fucking Capricorns man….
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Call it a quarter-life crisis, but something still is off. I'm happy with the progress I'm making in my young career, I've been able to do so much in terms of adventures despite the pandemic, and just overall during uni and my post-uni life — my relationship is going pretty good despite the distance and unknowing of when we’ll be able to be reunited (he’s french, im american), my friendships and familial relationships are also going strong, even reconnecting with some old friends and it's so amazing and tear-felt in the happiest of ways being intentional with your relationships and all — so like, why do I feel….
not unfulfilled,
not unaccomplished…
but… listless?
…or is it lost…?
hm.
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You know that movie, with Kevin creepy-ass Spacey and he’s like that weird dad and he’s obsessed — American Beauty, that movie. Well, that one *edgy* boy who’s also a total creep, and he films everything and there’s that scene when he's trying to run game on Kevin’s daughter and so as any xxDxx boy would, he shows her that clip of that grocery bag and is trying to be all pOetic but like he’s a fucking teenager so you’re thinking “oh, eat an ass…” and as you’re mid-eye roll you’re suddenly taken aback and you start to see what he’s going on about. You’re starring at that bag, the world slows down, and there’s a weird peace coupled with sadness… and that bag invokes a feeling in you.. a quiet stillness… and for a moment, you're heavy…?
That's how I feel.
Wtf adjective am I looking for? (tu te sens bof)
*claps*
So! I'm feeling like that sad boy grocery bag and I DON’T know why but I’d imagine it's partly due to my birthday that just passed and you know, maybe life’s expectations are starting to like monkey up and squat on my shoulders full balls out and it's all warm or whatever..?
And no, this isn't that dread from limbo, it's not that unearthly ghastly sensation of the unknown, but one that's like… blEh?!!
Get off of me you, mOnkEy?!
He like jumps off but it's all warm and like a damp ballsy residue and odor is like left and you’re just there, disgusted and confused and you can’t get back to doing whatever you were up to…
…
you know?
… just me?
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🐒💨
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Ahhhhhh…. so I’m going off again.
Solitude is the only answer at this point. Life is good so why am I all fussy? Pearls clutched and shit, like you good dude? Calmeth. Bitch.
For my own sake, I gotta do what I do and go off somewhere, but this time, I’ll do some sorting through my brain’s bits and such.
I gotta do this for myself.
I have a passion project brewing in my lil brain and I think if I finally devote some of my time and effort to this project, it could bring me both joy and clarity to this monkey ass energy I have at the moment. And when I think about it, that's all I want, clarity. Clarity gives you direction and so I need to do myself a favor and find clarity so then I can find my way. It’s not the getting older thats getting to me, it's the, where do I wanna be? What do I wanna experience? Where do I wanna go? What life do I wanna make for myself and for my maybe one day kids?
I think I’m experiencing a quarter-life crisis.
ouch. :(
At least I can admit it.
A bit of solitude in a new space where no one knows me will do me some good… and I’m excited. :)
I’m not running, just… exploring. 🌝
Oh, I can finally learn Spanish now! Wooo!
